A compassionate, genuine, romantic lover who shares your values and goals. I might as well
have written “a diamond in a coalmine” because that’s what the dating world sometimes feels
like. The dating world can seem daunting, unpredictable, and unsatisfying, which can lead to
many of us feeling like we might be destined to be forever alone.
But the simple truth is that we are not destined to be forever alone and neither are you.
However, the hard truth is that finding “the one” may involve much more than relying on a
meet cute at a coffee shop. In this post, we will discuss what a relationship counselor is trained
to do and whether you would benefit from a session with an expert in relationship therapy.
Finding yourself in a satisfying and loving relationship requires recognizing self-sabotaging
behaviors and introducing positive changes to your thinking processes. All of which a
relationship counselor is specially trained to help you with.
What Is Relationship Therapy for Individuals?
Relationship therapy is an umbrella term used to describe any type of therapy with the goal of
enhancing a person or persons’ relationship satisfaction. Relationship therapy for individuals
more specifically describes the therapeutic process used to allow you to take a stronger control
over the satisfaction you find in your relationships, whether you have a romantic partner or not.
Relationship therapy for individuals is for just that: individuals! No matter what layer you are in
your relationship atmosphere, you will gain the potential to benefit from relationship therapy.
Any person who finds that they are unsatisfied in their romantic life will gain a better
understanding of themselves, their relationships, and the dating world around them.
Our experts recognize that relationship dissatisfaction can look like many situations, including:
Having difficulty finding and sustaining passion and genuinity in relationships
● Having difficulty with anxieties and stresses in relationships
● Having difficulties with confidence and self-esteem in approach
The Psychology Behind Relationship Therapy
But how does relationship therapy actually take advice that seems common sense, like loving
yourself and building self-acceptance, and apply psychological principles to catalyze positive
change? Without going in depth into the psychological underpinnings of relationship counseling
for individuals, this section will briefly explain the workings of relationship counseling.
How Does Self-Preservation Exaggerate Our Fear and Threat Detection?
First, let’s talk about self-preservation. Self-preservation is the way in which fear exaggerates
our threat detection, powered by a biological need to feel safe. Because of this, our threshold
for threats becomes dramatically lowered, which means that even the slightest possibility of a
threat could be interpreted as a life-threatening attack on our safety.
How does this apply to relationship therapy?
When we notice even the slightest fear or insecurity in our relationship, we become highly
alerted to negative emotions, and naturally, we will tend to focus primarily on that negativity.
Fear, motivated through self-preservation, narrows our perception of our partners in a
particularly negative light.
In a nutshell, when we feel scared or insecure, we tend to only see the negative in our partners.
How Self-Preservation Can Create a Negative Cycle with Others and Yourself
Similarly, when we sense insecurity in ourselves, we will narrow our perception of ourselves to
be negative. This negativity leads to a further negativity narrowing of our perception, which
leads us feeling more insecure about ourselves. This never-ending cycle is known as the
negative cycle, a damaging and if left unobstructed, relationship-threatening cycle.
During individual sessions of relationship counseling, your therapist will work intimately with
you to recognize, explore, and resolve unhelpful and counterproductive behaviors. These
behaviors feed into the negative cycle that is damaging your relationship with potential
romantic interests, and with yourself. Therefore, it is in the best interest of yourself and your
relationship counselor to develop healthy coping strategies to an approaching negative cycle
How Is This Different From Dating Coaches?
The difference between a licensed therapist specialized in relationship therapy and a dating
coach is significant enough for us to recommend that you take time to understand the two.
Before hiring a therapist or dating coach, you should ask each of them if they have experience
with what you are dealing with.
Even experience can be cloudy. Therapists often have more experience dealing with and helping
their clients overcome obstacles in their relationship dissatisfactions. Dating coaches often have
more experience in the dating world themselves.
It is important to note that while dating coaches might have more experience in the dating
world, having experience relatability does not mean diagnosing the hows and whys of a
client’s self-sabotaging behaviors, which is the source of most relationship dissatisfactions.
Our Goals Are Your Goals: Positive Change for Relationship Happiness
A dating coach will say about a relationship therapist “if you’re looking to get a girlfriend in 90
days, they might not be the best bet”. Truth be told, that is correct. The goal of a relationship
therapist is not to get you a romantic partner. Rather, it is to allow for personal growth, heal
past traumas that may be the source of self-sabotaging behaviors, and to boost self-confidence,
self-acceptance, and relationship satisfaction.
If you think that you would benefit from a consultation with our therapists, trained in
relationship expertise, schedule an appointment now by calling (757) 704-5558 or talk to us by
emailing hello@deepconnectionscounseling.com.
Best of luck!
